Tag: negativity

Negativity and How it Impacts Your Life

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Negativity and How it Impacts Your Life

The first weekend in May I took my son on a trip, just me and him. We went to the Disney Jr. Dance Party (which I highly recommend, it was very enjoyable, and the tickets aren’t overly expensive) and it was roughly a 5-hour drive from where we live so it was really just us, for the first time. And I wasn’t sure how things were going to go because C (my son) has had such poor behavior recently and things at home have been very negative.

So, y’all when I say I was nervous about this trip, I mean I was on the verge of a panic attack about it. Like there were several moments the week before where I was quite literally talking myself down from an impending panic attack.

Like I just knew something horrible was going to happen (and I mean someone did hit my rental car so ya know, not ideal).

But, the weekend was great! There were only a couple hiccups, but he was extremely well behaved the entire weekend. He ate much better than normal, he wasn’t so fussy, he went to sleep well. Just like the complete opposite of how he has been at home recently.

I mean I still yelled at him, but very rarely, I yelled at the GPS 1000x more than I yelled at him (man those things are so great and super terrible at the same time). Because he was just very well behaved and most of why I yelled at him was because I was tired or frustrated with the GPS, not so much his behavior.

Our interactions were so positive that I never wanted the weekend to end, but of course it had to.

 

The Fallout:

As soon as I told him we were going home he started bawling his eyes out.

Mind you, I’m a fairly easy-going mom so it’s not like I was more lenient with him than normal, this trip was pretty well the norm for us. I mean we slept in, watched movies, I let him eat ice cream for dinner, etc. But mostly we just hung out and spent time with one another.

But even so as soon as I told him we were going home you would have thought I told him I just killed mickey mouse or a puppy. And I know he can be sensitive so maybe that was all it was, but it really got me thinking? Why was he so averse to going back home?

I told him everyone we were going to see when we got home, ba (his grandpa), gramma, grammy (great grandma), and uncle Jim (great uncle), but he was super not pumped to see everyone except his grandpa.

So, I really started thinking WHY does he act so differently at home and around our family than he does when it’s just the two of us? Maybe it’s because I act differently around them.

 

My situation:

So for some background, I live with my family. It’s nice having some help when I need it and it’s great being able to save money and not have to worry about high rent costs.

But, for me this house is a negative space, the people in it are very negative, I have negative memories here and it holds negative connotations for me that I’m living here still at this point in my life and that colors my entire experience here.

My father was always a yeller and so, of course, my first instinct is to do that when C does something wrong. But even beyond that when C does something wrong or gets upset because he is so sensitive my dad gets really angry about it.

Like he will get so mad and so annoyed just because C is being a kid. He’s making noise and having fun and no, he doesn’t always do as he’s asked but him and I are working on that. And no, he may not always act how he should (as in not yelling or listening) but again he’s a kid and I, his mother, and correcting this behavior.

But both him and my mom act like it’s a personal affront to them when he misbehaves. I don’t feel that I can be the parent I want to be in this environment and WC has too many people trying to parent him in too many different ways at the same time.

It’s confusing for him, stressful for me and creates an all-around bad environment. Not to mention that I feel like I am failing my family by being here. I feel like this environment holds me back and it’s no secret to anyone that I can’t wait to leave.

The Why

And look y’all I’m super grateful. But it’s just not a good environment. There is so much fighting, so much nitpicking, and so many just negative attitudes. This makes it a hard environment to actually be positive in.

I know that I am not blameless here. I for sure contribute to the negativity. And a lot of that comes from not having a space where I can unwind and be myself, by myself. This leads to me feeling stifled, trapped and angry.

I feel that this is where a lot of the negativity in the house comes from for everyone. There are just too many people, too many opinions, and too many attitudes in on place.

And when one person gets angry or annoyed then very quickly another person does until everyone is angry or annoyed.

This easily spreads to C as well. I don’t think that he knows why he’s getting upset or why the energy in the house is so negative. but he can sense when it does because as soon as it does he gets cranky. He will start stomping around and frowning, crossing his arms and being very uncooperative.

Now, he had always been fairly independent, super happy, constantly singing and just a joy to be around. But that changed very suddenly because I lost my job. So, he went from going to a sitter five days a week and playing with kids. To suddenly being at home all the time hanging out with me, my mom and my grandma. And they don’t get along that well.

I know that he can have bad days just like the rest of us can. But, his bad moods seem specifically triggered by negative situations and emotions in the house.

The outcome

The trip definitely changed my perspective. It made me realize how negatively can impact your life without you even knowing it. I knew that things had changed with C. He wasn’t so easy going, that he seemed quicker to anger and suddenly never wanted to leave my side. Also, I had been less patient, angrier, and just overall very negative.

I realized how much the negativity in my environment affects my mental health as well. It’s harder for me to control the symptoms of my illnesses. It’s harder to turn my own negative thoughts and feelings into positive ones when I’m constantly surrounded by negativity.

But I’m committed to trying to not let the negativity in the house affect my feelings so much. Committed to making a change so that my child never questions my love for him. I want my son to know that he can come to me with anything. And that I will respond with an open mind and as much positivity as I can muster when he does.

Which truthfully will include a hefty does of sarcasm and maybe even an ‘f’ bomb or two. But I will not allow this negativity to continue to change our relationship and change my once joyful little boy.

So, mamas, take a look at your lives, identify any sources of negativity and see what you can do to change them. Ever since I realized this not only do I feel better, but I’ve noticed a difference in C as well. So mamas tackle that negativity and kick its butt to the curb!

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And tell me all about the negativity in your life and the steps you’re taking to tackle it!

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